What I Have To Say
by WitnessToTheFallen
Summary: Rating may change for later chapters. Christine is having second thoughts about her and Raoul. Can she confront both men she loves, or will she simply run from her life and try to forget them?


Disclaimer: Although I am in love with the Phantom, I don't own the Phantom of the Opera in any way. Nor do I own the song Iris.

Notes: Written in alternating POV. The setting is briefly described in the >>'s.

((Phantom's POV))

>We find the wonderous Phantom back in his home beneath the opera house. He is sitting at his organ, but he's not playing. His passion for music and song no longer flows from his fingers as beautiful songs written for his love, but have changed course and flow from his eyes as tears for her.>

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
__'Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

She's been gone from me for so long. I wish she'd never left me, but she made her choice. I suppose I brought this upon myself in a way. Trying to kill the man she loved for my own selfishness. But I still can't wrap my mind around her. I still don't understand. Why couldn't she still love me, even if not on the same level that she loves him. Why can't she love me?  
She always called me her angel, until the day I told her to leave. Well I'll lift myself up from the flames just to see her again. I'd give up my eternity in shadows to spend one day with her. Just her. But she'd never let me. Not that perfect angel.

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

She always refered to me as the Angle of Music, but she was far from right. She was the angel, and I wanted for her to save me. She was the only one in this world who'd ever showed me kindness, and I wanted her to be my angel forever. But she turned and walked away from me.

((Christine's POV))

>We see Christine wandering down a street lost in her own thoughts of her life.>

_And I don't want to go home right now_

I can't believe I left him like that. Raoul just kept calling for me, and the way he pleaded for me to leave, I just didn't know what to do. But now I see that this life is not the one I wanted. I want to be with my phantom...With my angel.

But what can I do now? My home has become the de Chagny estate, no longer the opra house that I love. I'm surrounded by intricat beauty everywhere I turn. But Raoul doesn't understand. Actually, he never has. I don't want intricat beauty to surround me. I want simplicity. My Angel...He was so simple, yet complicated at the same time. It was always as if his simplicity only made him more complicated. And his songs. Oh how his songs were so beautiful.

They were so sweet, so filled with passion. And he wrote them all for me. I don't want this life...I don't want th home I have...I want the opera house. I want my old life back. I don't want to go home...

_And all I can taste is this moment  
__And all I can breathe is your life_

I've never managed to get that kiss out of my mind. I've never forgotten the way his lips felt against my own. I remember how comforted I felt when I kissed him. Like I'd finally lifted a weight from my shoulders that had been there for too long. But I'd thought I was doing it out of love for another man. Out of love for my dear Raoul. But if that's so true, why can't I forget him? It's been more than a year, and he's still in my mind, my soul, and, dare I say it, my heart.

_'Cause sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight_

But it's all over. The whole things is finished. I'm with Raoul now, and I suppose it's too late to go back to what I once had. But I wish I could. I wish I could run into his arms and say I'm sorry, and fall asleep with him beside me. I wish I could stop missing him, if only for one night.

((Phantom's POV))

_And I don't want the world to see me  
__'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

I wish I could see her again, but I can't leave this shadow. I can't go out into that harsh world, even to see my beautiful angel. Besides, why should I bother to see her? She doesn't love me. She could never love someone like me. The world cound't understand my pain. Couldn't see past my face. So why should she be any different?

_When everything's made to be broken  
__I just want you to know who I am_

Maybe I was never meant to feel her warm caress. Maybe I was born alone, and fated to stay as such. But Christine...Everything I had was lost, shattered when you shattered me. You broke my heart, and all at once, you'd broken my world as well. Not even the world itself could destroy me, yet you did when you left with him. I shared all of myself with you. I shared my music, my soul and my heart, and you left me alone in darkness worse than that I'd been in to begin with.

Why Christine? Why? Perhaps I was fated to stay a broken man, but they say that one can change their fate. Won't you give me the chance to change mine? Won't you give me a chance and be mine forever?

((Christine's POV))

>Christine has arrived home and now is laying on her bed, still lost in her own thoughts.>

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
__Or the moment of truth in your lies_

I have to tell him. I've always told him I was in love with him, but I don't know anymore. I never think of him unless he's around me. Yet I can't get my Angel from my thoughts. I'm sure I couldn't even if I tried. But I always thought I loved Raoul. Yet, if I did, shouldn't I be more upset? Shouldn't I be crying? I knew that day in the dungeon below the opera house that I loved one of the men that stood before me. But even then my feelings weren't clear. I knew that then, and now I'm even more sure of it. But I still made the wrong choice, and I have to tell Raoul. I have to tell both of them...

_When everything feels like the movies"  
__And you bleed just to know you're alive_

But how am I going to tell him? I can't just come up to him and say I don't love him anymore. And I can't just lead him on any longer than I already have. So what am I to do now?

>Christine leaves the estate grounds to walk alone through the streets once again. She begins heading towards the opera house, being carefull not to be seen.>

_And I don't want the world to see me  
__'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

I can't be seen now. Not this time. If someone sees me, they'll surely tell Raoul that I came here. And then I'll have to speak with him about it. Or I'll have to speak with them. But they'd never understand why I must return. Nobody could understand...Except for him, perhaps. Yes, the only one who could understand my return is my Angel. Or at least I hope he can understand...

_When everything's made to be broken  
__I just want you to know who I am_

But I'm afraid that he won't accept me now. That he'll do to me what I did to him back then. I threw away everything he offered me, shattered it all, in hopes that I could forget about him. Yet now I want it all back, and I'm sure he won't give me that chance to have it back. No matter how sorry I am, he'll never forgive me for what I did, just as he's never forgiven the world for his treatment as a child. And no matter how much I love him, he'll never let me into his life again...Not after that...Or will he? All I can do is hope. No matter how much against the odds I am, I still have to hope.

So, that's it. Or at least that's it for now. If you want more, I want reviews. If you wish for an end to this tale, then REVIEW! Reviews keep the mice I bought from the pet store fat, and then I feed the fat mice to my muse, who then inspires. So without reviews, the mice will starve; leading to the starvation of my muse. Do you really want to be responsible for the death of my muse! No? Then please review!


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